爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 21 ]

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud,

it is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

For it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth,

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes

always perseveres.

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Upon reaching back, I went to confront my mum.

" Missy .. your mum is busy with her work right now .. you shan't disturb her " Her personal assisstant trying to stop me.

I just shun away from her grab, & barged into the study room without any notice. Upon entering, I just gave a cold glare towards her.

" Its ok .. you can leave the both of us here .. " Carrie spoke to her personal assisstant.

" Why ... Why .. Why !!!! Doesn't your conscience prick you one bit at all ... how I wished I never existed at all, afterall I'm just a product of your hatred & revenge towards dad ... There was no love between you both, I shouldn't have existed ... you broke a love that was meant to be, how could you be so cruel ! "

I broke out in tears.

Carrie just stared at me with her cold eyes.

" Dad wasn't a murderer at all ... he was just a poor soul being controlled by the evil clutches of yours !!!! " I shouted at her.

" tsk .. so I've became a devil ? hahahaha ~ what a joke !!! " Carrie laughed hysterically.

" Stop laughing !!! you've destroyed dad's life & now you've destroyed mine ... "

" That was just his retribution !!! He bring all these upon himself !!! If I'm being labelled as a devil, it was all because of him !!! Who was there for me when he hurt me so deeply .. !! NO ONE !!! SIMPLY NO ONE !!! I'm just being true to my own feelings .. whats wrong with that !!! Everyone may think that I'm doing all these for revenge & hatred but why no one think that I'm doing all these for love ? " Carrie could no longer control her tears as it slowly flowed out.

" you're in no position to mention love when you don't even know what is it ... " I screamed at her ...

" tsk ... hahahahaha & what makes you think that you know love .... ? A love like Roy & Josie or the love between you & Reagan ... that is love ? tsk tsk ... & look what happen ... it all ends so pathetically !!!! ~ If love is that strong, I can do thousand & one things to sabotage all of your relationship & it will still work out, but well you all prove me wrong ~ the so called everlasting love is just a joke ... a joke that involves all of you & now you all are suffering .. hahahahah "

" you yourself is just a victim of this joke too ... you're hurt by it too ... " My teary eyes softening that glare in her eyes.

" No .. thats not true ! can't be true .. you must be lying ... I can't possibly lose to anyone .. not to you Josie, not to you Roy .. I'm not losing .... " Carrie seem to have lost her state of mind, as flashes of memories came back to haunt her, making her seemingly confused.

" .. you've never win from the start ... because you've already lose yourself from the beginning .. you never lose to aunt Josie from the start, you just lose to the love between dad & aunt Josie .... you've gain nothing but just hatred & revenge ... " I said my last piece before running out of the study room.

I just couldn't bear the sight of seeing my mum in her lost state of mind. All my hatred towards her seem to have disperse by its own all of a sudden. She was just a victim of love phobia too, just like me back then, just like dad ... it just so happens that instead of avoiding it, she choose to face it in her own way, which causes all the hatred & revenge. I used to remember dad saying;

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Everything seems to have fall in place all of a sudden. The light finally revealed itself after all these years of darkness. Thinking back of it, the misunderstanding back then that cause me to leave Reagan, & the mysterious force within that surround me & Reagan all this while, our fate was never once lost, & finally to meeting him once again, it was like all planned out. It was as if I'm watching a drama of my own, or rather I'm acting out this drama myself.

Somehow I'm very lost at this moment. Though the truth has fell in place, I do not know what to expect, nor what to do in the future. I've lots of question marks in my mind now, & all these question marks seems to be pointing to the one & only guy who can answer my doubts now ... my Romeo, Reagan ...

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"the tale of the pair of star crossed lovers - Romeo & Juliet"

I held the book in my hand & pondered.

This was the book of beginning. It not only shared the love story of Romeo & Juliet but it also shared the love story behind my ma & Juliet's dad. & now the book is using its magic to pen down the story of me & Juliet. It was the link of fate in this book that brought me & Juliet together since the beginning, & now it has became a link of destiny.

"Your journey of seeking love starts the very moment you felt the tingling feeling in your heart. The happiness and sorrows that you felt across every chapter of love.

You fell, You cried and You learned. For love is something that has no beginning and no end.

Your love for her grow stronger each day as you get to know her more. You let her behaved at her most wildly side in front of you. You allow her to do whatever she wants to you. You've change whatever she dislikes, your habits, your behavior, your work attitude and sometimes yourself.

You try to make her happy everyday despite whatever problems that stirred within you.

Is all this love?

You can't speak clearly of yourself at that moment of time ...

You only know that it hurts real bad when you see her cry and your heart is contented when you see her cheerfully smiling at me.

There are only the undying three words that we tell each day. Those three simple words of simple truth and vast meaning.

‘I Love You’

S'Agapo. ..

As your feelings has finally reveal themselves in front of love, your destiny awaits you ... for you shall be the key to conquer the phobia .. It shall starts from the tale of star-crossed lovers to the tale of S'Agapo."

All of a sudden, Pahim's words struck me once again. At that point of time, I seem to be listless about what he was trying to say, but after all that has happened, his words seem much clearer now. As my feelings finally reveal themselves, my destiny awaits me for I shall be the key to conquer her love phobia, & it shall start from the simple three words, " I love you" ... All my answers seem to be pointing to the one & only girl now, ... my Juliet .

[ To be Cont - Chapter 22 Ending !!~ ]

I Love thee, I love but thee. With a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old.

William Shakespeare