爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 12 ]

Sometimes we need to ...

stop analyzing the past

stop planning the future

stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel

stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel

Sometimes we just have to go with ...

whatever happens ... will happens

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"R o m .. r ea .. gan " I stuttered.

"Can you pls stop ignoring me ? Why are you doing so ? Just when i thought lady luck was upon me for once, when my dad finally regain back to his own self, & now I'm losing a good friend without knowing why ? why must this be happening ? Ugh !!!" Reagan shouted

"Sometimes in life, when we gain something, we lose something. Losing something might be for a better cause .. "

"Stop it for once ... why are you talking like an aldut ? talking about life ? we are just children .. aren't we ? can't we just enjoy the luxury of being a children, wanting things in whatever manner we want. I just don't want to lose anything, anyone, anymore." I broke out in tears ..

"Because fate never allow me to live like a children, I've simply lose too much, everything, everyone. I just can't afford to have a good friend, then lose it again, I'm really tired of losing ...." Juliet broke out in tears while saying her piece too

"Then don't lose it .. why can't we just be good friends forever ? "

"I wish I've such naive thinking like you ... if only everything could be forever ... then i wouldn't have lose it in the first place"

I ran out of the classroom.

That was the worst day of my school life. I would have rather suffer thousands of people hurling abuse & teasing me, than to go through all this ...

I still couldn't withstand all the twists behind all this happenings .. if only dad didn't murder regan's mum ? I was confused .. Somehow it just relate me to romeo & juliet, the rivalry between the capulet & montague family, a tragedy ending ... I wouldn't want such ending happening to me & reagan, thus I've decide to leave him for good, never to see him again, I wrote a letter,

"Romeo,

so you finally found it huh ? i was comtemplating whether to hand it to you personally before leaving, but i finally decided to leave it at the hands of fate.

Do not blame me for leaving without a word, there was a lot of unforseen circumstances to bear if i'll to continue to stay on.

This is the harshness of reality, which you must learn to accept.

Someday, maybe you'll get to learn the truth behind all this harshness, but i seriously hope that you do not get to learn it. The truth always hurts, & you alone must bear the harshness of it when you get to learn it. At times i'm really envious of your naivety towards things. Through the time we spent together, somehow i really feel i'm a changed person, i learn alot from you, but i guess the truth doesn't allow me to continue on to do so. This whole thing was an irony, maybe i shouldn't have switched school, & meet you. But i do not regret in doing so, because you gave me hope, something which i really needed at this point of time.

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. A miracle that i needed to keep me going, but it was selfish of me to do so. Thus I've decided to leave you for good, hoping to conceal what you should not know & hopefully you continue to live your life to the fullest.

P.S I'll remember you for life

Juliet,"

I slide it well concealed under the table, & carved a " R & J " on both our table top. It won't be easily noticed unless you really go observed it, I've leave it to the hands of fate as for whether reagan can find this letter. With my last tears, I walked out of the classroom solemnly.

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I closed my diary ...

" Reagan ... sighs " I wept off the tear from my cheek.

Fate has decree so, Reagan has never found the letter, its still there after all these years. Recently I've went back to visit miss Tan on teacher's day. Though alot of things that signify our memories has been removed, it has never been removed from my heart. Only after 4 long years, I then managed to pluck up this courage to enter the school compound. All along, I really fear that somehow we both will meet inside the school. Thinking back of that day, my sub concious just overtook me, & made me go inside. Deep inside me, I really wanted to meet him again, or even sneak a peep at him. But well, after i went back to the classroom & find that the letter is still there, I knew that its all over ... & I never get to meet him that day. I presume that fate has decree so, we both are over, & I shan't think about it no more.

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" Ready for your surprise ? " Joanne grinned at me ..

" Huh ? what surprise ? " I replied

" hurhur .. you got STM ? remembered last week you gave me that surprise .. now my turn to surprise you !! "

" Huh ? you really planned a blind date ? " I stammered.

" tee-hee .. maybe .. hahaha consider it a date then .. quick we are gonna be late ... I've made an appointment with that person ... "

Joanne took my hands & rushed for the bus. We arrived at a shooping mall. Upon reaching, Joanne dragged me to this shop. I was hesistant to really turn up for a date & moreover I wasn't really interersted in other guys, at that instant, the lightings on the shop just blinded my thoughts.

" One-Stop Love Service Center "

" Huh ? " I stared towards Joanne.

" Yes .. this is my surprise .. for youuuu " Joanne replied

" for what .. ? I'm not even attached .. whats the use of coming to this love service center ... hurhur "

" its supposingly a love fortune telling shop ... alot of my friends came & consult about their love life, & gosh it was damn accurate, & alot of their status went from single to into a relationship lor .. it really helps..you know .. keke .. "

" aww .. gimme a break .. Joanne .. you know that I'm never into this kinda stuff ... "

" thats why its worth a try ... they got all sorts of methods inside, from tarot, fengshui, astrologies, etc ... its so cool isn't it ... & moreover you've promised me last week that you will give me the honour of surprising you lor .. huhrur "

" sighs .. oh well .. I guess I lose to you for once .. okays fine lets enter ... "

" tee-hee .. muacks .. thankies .. we both shall be changing our status soon !!! hoooo ~ " Joanne ranted.

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Upon entering inside, we were usherd to a empty table, & soon after a fortune teller came to greet us in this weird accent.

" I guess many of us were born into this world due to the love blossom of our parents. They in turn were products of love of their own heritage. All these went back thousands of years since the first of homo-sapiens.

As we live and grow older, we sometimes ask ourselves.

“When do humans actually start loving one another?”

Why do we always feel nervously happy when we see someone we like and dull when we see someone we don’t?

Was all this the work of God or genetic human evolution?

Some believe love was spread by Cupid from ancient Greek mythology

So he was rightfully known as the God of Love and everything that got to do with love was associated with him.

Answers that you’ve always yearn of knowing.

This is where it all begins in your life. "

" wow .. what a cool introduction by this guy ... " Joanne whispered to me.

" yea sure .. indeed .. marketing gimmick ma .. tsk tsk " I replied.

The fortune teller smiled, & replied us in his greek accent

" so my lovely ladies .. as my intro has stated, I expertise in using an ancient greek method to help you both with regards to love matters, hmm .. as for whether it can really helps you both, I can't gurantee, but I shall be able to give you good advise & hope for the best in your love life .. "

" so what is this ancient greek method all about, care to elaborate ? we've never heard of it .. " Joanne excitingly asked.

" sure .. my fair ladies .. this method originated from the greek mythology,

Once upon a time there was a king with three daughters. They were all beautiful, but by far the most beautiful was the youngest, Psyche. She was so beautiful that people began to neglect the worship of Venus, the goddess of love and beauty. Venus was very jealous, and asked her son Cupid (the boy with the arrows) to make Psyche fall in love with a horrible monster. When he saw how beautiful she was, Cupid dropped the arrow meant for her and pricked himself, and fell in love with her.

Despite her great beauty no-one wanted to marry Psyche. Her parents consulted an oracle, and were told that she was destined to marry a monster, and they were to take her to the top of a mountain and leave her there. The west wind took her and wafted her away to a palace, where she was waited on by invisible servants. When night came her new husband visited her, and told her that he would always visit her by night and she must never try to see him.

Although her invisible husband was kind and gentle with her, and the invisible servants attended to her every desire, Psyche grew homesick. She persuaded her husband to allow her sisters to visit her. When they saw how she lived they became very jealous and talked Psyche into peeking at her husband, saying that he was a monster who was fattening her up to be eaten and that her only chance of safety was to kill him. Psyche took a lamp and a knife, but when she saw her beautiful husband, Cupid, she was so surprised she dripped some hot wax onto his shoulder, waking him. He took in the situation at a glance and immediately left Psyche and the magnificent palace she had been living in disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Psyche roamed about looking for her husband, and eventually in desperation approached his mother, Venus. Still angry, the goddess set various tasks for Psyche, all of which she passed, with a bit of help from ants and river gods. But in the end, Psyche still got human limits, & finally passed away. Thereafter, Cupid heard of all this from the ants & river gods, & was touched. Thus he came up with this method "S'Agapo." meaning I love you .. to commemorate the departure of psyche & also to help humans in their love life. "

" wow .. touching ... sweet !!! " Joanne mumbled.

" This love story somehow touches my heart, & convince me that coming here might not be a bad idea afterall .. " I thought to myself.

" indeed, greek mythologies never fail to amaze us with their wonderful stories . isn't it .. hoho shall we start then ? "

" suries ... my friend Juliet shall start first ... "

" hur .. me ? " I was still short of reponse to what was going, as I was still indulging in the beauty of the story told earlier on.

" ar .. Juliet .. nice name you've .. ~ you must be searching for your romeo then ... hoho "

" Yes .. she is ... " Joanne answered before I could reply ..

" Jo .. an .. ne I don't believe in this, I just company you .... " I stared at her .

" ar .. I see .. alright let me take a look .." the fortune teller interrupted me before I could continue on.

At that moment, the fortune teller flipped open a book with lots of ancient greek writings on it, I felt my heart accelerating as he flips open the book in this quiet atmosphere.

" It is of the most unusual places that the two of you first met. The arrangement seems like destiny sets it’s foot upon. Both of you continued from this meeting and became friends as time goes by …uh .. i see .. a love tale that binded you both together, when the two of you met for the second time, there was already the feeling of likeness felt within each other. There were plenty of opportunities in knowing each other better with the help from fate, It was a match made in heavens until a twist of fate destroys this relationship."

The fortune teller closed the book upon saying his piece.

I went silent. Joanne stared at the both of us. The fortune teller broke the silence.

" so .. miss Juliet, that was your past .. right ? at least thats what Cupid has told me .. hohoho "

In my mind, it was full of thoughts, how did he ever manage to know so much ?

" Miss Juliet .. sorry for interrupting your thoughts again .. but I've forseen that it hasn't ended, which is why cupid didn't continue on your future."

" but .. its has all ended isn't it .. he never even read the letter I left for him back then, this 4 years, I've never seen him .. " I thought to myself.

" Because your phobia has been challenging fate all this while, but slowly it is losing ... to the power of love ... "

The fortune teller ended off with a smile.

" because my phobia is slowly losing to the power of love ... "

I mumbled.

[ to be cont .. ]

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

william shakespeare