爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 4 ]

Ever had something special with someone, only to have it ripped away,

so u meet someone else who makes your world turn upside down and makes you so happy.

And the whole time there's still that connection between you and the other person,

only to find out years later, that person still has the same feelings for you,

and even though you love them in a strange way you'd never give up the one you're with

because they hold your whole heart?

It's complicated even when you think you've got it right.

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I didn't have a good sleep.

I was tossing & turning over the questions in my mind. I dragged my body out of the bed, feeling feverish. It has been quite some time since i fell sick. I hate to fall sick, not because of the bitter medicine, nor the uncomfort level i'll have. Simply because it just reminds me of the others having the privilege to hide in their mum's warmth, despite of the medicine or the uncomfort level.

"sighs .. I'll just go school ... " I just don't want to be reminded of being sick.

I dragged my heavy foot, panting over such a short distance of route to the bus-stop.

"Phew .. never feel so sick before .. argh !! i just hate what i'm feeling right now !"

Soon dark clouds came, covering the atmosphere with its mist. Just when i anticipated the arrivial of a heavy downpour, a flash just appeared. The next moment, rain gushed down like a heavy tsunami swallowing me in it. My vision became blurred, & before i could know it, I finally collapsed.

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"MUMMY ~ !!!"

"Reagan ~ !!!" she gave a good hug & a kiss on the forehead.

"tee-hee ... "

"Josie ~ " someone called my mum's name from behind.

Reagan took a peak & saw a unfamiliar face. A man in his early fourties holding on to a little girl's hand. The weird thing was that the little girl was wearing a bright yellow raincoat in a sunny afternoon. Reagan just couldn't take his eyes off her at that moment, despite not being able to see her face clearly.

"Roy ~ " Josie was stun for a moment before calling out his name.

"so how have you been ? " Roy asked

"ermm .. yea life still goes on .. isn't it , o .. by the way I' married, this is my son Reagan." Josie replied.

"aww congrats, good to know that you doing fine, "

Just then a honk sound interrupt the whole conversation.

"Oh .. got to go, my wife waiting for me in the car. take good care okays. Roy said with a smile seemingly familiar & depart off.

Just at that moment, Josie suddenly broke out in tears.

"mummy, why are you crying ?" Reagan asked

"nothing .. just too happy to see an old friend of mine luhs"

"huh .. you mean when you're happy, you cry too ?"

"at times ... "

Reagan was just getting so complicated over human's emotions. It was a embark of journey to further complications that he himself couldn't have understand at his age. But what couldn't be erased from his mind was that little girl wearing the bright yellow rain coat.

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"Breathing okays .. airway clear .." a paramedic shouted.

"evacuate him to the ambulance now !!!"

The moment i've regain that bit of conciousness, i saw hordes of people surrounding me whispering. Just at that moment, something bright in yellow just captures all my attention towards it. I was trying hard to focus upon it, but couldn't do so & before i know it, i was pushed into the amubulance, accompanied by sirens to the hospital.

Beep .. Beep .. the medical device operating with its monotonous sound.

BANG !! the ward room door opened.

"Doctor How's my son ? ! ?" Dave barged in asking

"Okays Calm down .. Mr Tan !! your son is contracted with dengue, but has been given an injection, & is adapting to the medicine effect at the moment. The next 24 hours will be crucial, we still need further observations okays .. but do not worry, everything is under control !"

Dave is loss for words, he just lean against the wall & broke out in tears.

"Josie ... you've already left me, pls don't be so selfish & take reagan with you .."

"pls pls ... I know I havent been a good father all this while, I've done nothing for him since you left, but pls just this one time .. I beg you ... I know I've done you wrong but pls don't take away reagan from me"

"tsk humpf so you know you've done wrong" Ben came in & snorted at him

"Ben ... "

"If it weren't for you, mum wouldn't have died !!! U THIS MURDERER !!! Regan wouldn't be here struggling to fight for his life, lacking his mum support. so WHATS THE POINT EVEN IF YOU'RE GUILTY ? WILL MUM REVIVE ? WILL I BE REBELLIOUS ? WILL REAGAN GROW UP LACKING OF MUM'S LOVE ? NOOOOOOOO A DAMN NOOOOO

Ben shouted at his own father ..

I JUST HATE YOU FOR LIFE !!!!!!! Ben dashed out of the room upon saying his piece.

Dave was speechless.

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"REAGAN ... REAGAN ? ! ?

A familiar voice calling me. I searched frantically for the source of the voice.

"MUMMY is that you ? ! ? " MUM ... !! MUM ~ !!!" I shouted at the top of my voice

Just at this moment, she appeared, as always giving me a hug & a kiss on my forehead.

"Mum I missed you ~ !!! " I cried

"Silly boy .. mum misses you too!"

"Mum i just wanna stay here forever with you, I'm just tired of everything ..."

"No .. Reagan, you can't stay here with mummy, your destiny still awaits you."

"Huh what destiny ? !? "

"you'll know it in future ... take good care okays ... "

& she just disappear into thin air ...

"MUM ~ MUM ~ MUM !!! "

-----------

'MUM ~ MUM ~ MUM !!! " i shouted waking up ...

"HUH a dream ? ! ?" i mumbled

I reorganize my thoughts, thinking back what happen ...

"so I'm being admitted into the hospital ? "

Then i turn my eyesight across the room, seeing dad sleeping on the sofa. It has been quite some time i've seen him so sober in his sleep. At this moment, the doctor came in.

"Ar so i guess you've react to the medicine effect quite well, your temperature has gone down, just a few more dosage & you'll be happily kicking once again .. " the docotor joked

the doctor pointed towards my father

"boy .. you've got a loving father .. yesterday i could see how panic stricken he was upon hearing your news, he never leave u a moment alone since last night till now"

"yea .. i guess so ..." I replied

"ta-haa ~ alrites so faster recover .. so you can look after your dad too ar .. " the doctor said before leaving the room.

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Over the next few days, dad was silent. He just took care of me ensuring i took my medicine & have my meals. I was kinda touched & happy in a sense. My classmates may have their mother to turn to when they are sick, but at that moment of time i feel that i 've got a father to turn to as well. Despite he never say anything, i could feel his warmth love towards me, for the first time since mum left me ..

I slowly shed a tear upon thinking ... now i finally understand what my mum meant

"huh .. you mean when you're happy, you cry too ?"

"at times ... "

that when you're happy, you cry at times too ...

[ to be cont .. ]

Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts.

william shakespeare