爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 8 ]

“Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off.

It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.”

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Joanne words has caused me to wonder,

"my heart only got you & your heart only got me"

back then my relationship with Juliet was love ? why am i so eager to see her once again ? was it because she might be that little girl wearing the bright yellow rain coat back then or was it because of my desire to see her once again ?

Thoughts just ran wild through my mind.

A sound coming from my labtop broke the silence. Joanne nudge me on msn.

[ -.-''' so free ar ? not muggin .. still got free time to nudge me ? ] I typed out.

[ don't make me sound like those study nerd ! I got a life too okays ]

[ yea .. so wassup ? still not going to dreamland ? ]

[ nothing much, just chatting with friends, surfing the net, browsing through my msn contact list & so happen to see your name .. so just disturb you lor .. tee-hee ]

[ -.-''' so I'm so random ar ? tsk tsk ]

[ hee no luhs .. in fact i was thinking upon what you said today ]

[ huh ? what did i say today ? ]

[ o.0 seriously u forgotten ? STM (short term memory) seh !!! ]

[ yea my bad .. so what did i say today ? ]

[ humpf ... "so perhaps we both are so fated like this pair of number ... matching one another ... " remember ? ? ? ]

i paused for a moment. That sentence wasn't meant for Joanne. It was meant for Juliet. I must be somehow mumbling to myself at that moment, & Joanne took it for real.

[ well .. i was thinking about what you say & amazed upon the fact that both of us have some fate thingy going on ... ] Joanne typed

[ erm ... ]

I hesistated, wondering should i explain the whole situation to Joanne. Somehow she seem to have misunderstood, but yet I'm fearful of hurting her in the process.

[ ? ? ? ] Joanne came with the immediate response.

I seem to have lost myself , not knowing what to reply. I stared blankly at the screen.

[ yea ... fate works in a magical way, matching the both of us tgt ... don't you agree ? ]

I was shocked to see that appearing on the screen. Ben has came into the room unnoticed & type on my behalf sending it out to Joanne.

"Ben .. what the hell are you doing ? " I shouted at him.

"Woo .. take it easy man .. I'm helping my cute little brother here to chase a girl .. " ben replied

"gosh ~ you put me into deep shit now !! "

I somehow have sunk deeper into this misunderstanding now.

"come on relax man .. chill .. you are already in sec 4 .. & yet no GF at all .. I'm starting to think you might not like girls .. but well you just prove me wrong .. hahah "

[ how you expect me to reply ... put it so bluntly ar .. hurhur *shys* well gtg ..cya ard ] Joanne came back with the reply.

"Woo .. shy girl .. good work reagan .. inherit my genes afterall ... hahaha"

I simply just ignore what ben said, & Joanne reply. I just stick my head under the pillow, trying to imagine all these are just hallucinations, ain't true at all.

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I woke up the next morning in a confused state of mind. I was wondering did yesterday incident happened at all. I turned to my labtop, seeing Joanne signed off message, then i came to realise that it ain't a dream afterall, everything did happened. I thought i could just deceive myself by going into a deep slumber but it was a futile attempt.

"Ugh .. i shan't think too much .. maybe its not as bad as it may looks " I mumble to myself before dragging myself out from bed for wash-up.

The morning breeze blow gently across my face as I strolled along the fateful route again, the bus-stop to take bus 284. It has been years since i took this route. After I have graduated from my primary school, & a new bus service that was introduced to the neighbourhood making it more convinient for me, I've somehow forsake this route. Somehow as i grew up, memories of my mum slowly fade away from me. I no longer reminisce much about her. Perhaps it has been due to the fact that my dad was more concerned about me for the past years, he no longer went back to his drinking days ever since my dengue incident.

Today, my intuition just triggers me in taking this route again. Perhaps its due to what Joanne shared with me, the 220 & 284 numbers. Somehow it just struck me that this route still exists, all the childhood memories between me & this route, & most importantly the story between me & Juliet.

Perhaps, my intuition was telling me that I might meet her again, after all these years.

I finally arrived at the bus stop. I came to realise nothing much has changed after all this years. The same old bus-stop structure, with its paint slowly peeled off, the rust can be clearly seen. Somehow its not as packed as it used to be after the new bus service was introduced.

Soon, bus 284 came, & i boarded. It was empty. I went to the seat that me & Juliet often sat back then. It was situated at the rear end of the bus, we named it the R & J corner back then. I sat down, reminiscing back the days with Juliet back then. I still remember vividly what she once said,

"it can takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone"

I slowly retract back my thoughts into why she said that, & then suddenly remembered about that book that wouldn't open.

"the tale of the pair of star crossed lovers - Romeo & Juliet"

It has been with me all along this while. We took it out from the library without returning it. I have forgotten about its existence all this while. At that instant, I was like trying to remember which corner of the room I've put it in. Then the bus suddenly came to a break, interrupting my thoughts.

I stared out of the window, seeing it was a bus-stop. I guess the bus driver didn't expect someone to be there & just continue to move on untill he came in sight with someone, & suddenly came to a halt.

Someone boarded the bus.

I focus my sight upon the figure walking slowly towards my direction.

It was JOANNE. I went blank for a moment before coming back to reality.

" er .. how come you're here ? " I asked

" stalking you lor ... tee-hee .. " Joanne replied

All this seems so familiar, its just like a reenactment of what happen with Juliet back then, just in a different scenario.

" Huh ? come on .. stop joking .. you don't live around this area "

" hahahaha .. yaya .. i came to find my friend who lives around here luhs .. bleah .. "

" O ... " I went speechless after acknowledging her. Somehow it seems so akward carrying on a conversation with her after thinking back what happen last night.

I was struggling to tell her the truth, what really happen last night yet my mind just holds me back in fear of hurting her.

" yea ... she was also the one who told me about the 220 & 284 numbers .. one of my bestie at school " Joanne smiled.

"She must be dropping some hints mentioning about the pair of number again " I thought to myself

" Hey .. ain't it a coincidence ? we both taking bus 284 now ... " Joanne said.

" yea .. I used to take this bus alot .. during my primary school days ... haven't took it for recent years " I replied her not in a right state of mind.

" uh-uh ~ for recent years haven't been taking it, & today you just have the urge to take it, & we both just met ... haha " Joanne laughed.

" gosh .. I somehow have just given her the idea that we both got fate ... " I thought to myself.

This is getting so crazy. I just don't know how to react now. Just at that moment, the bus turned into the intechange & stopped. I heave a sigh of relief, knowing that this was my best chance to get out of this situation. I quickly grab my bag & quicken my footsteps.

" Hey .. Joanne .. got something urgent .. got to rush .. i see ya around .. take care "

I ran out of the bus, not even waiting for her reply.

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The rest of the day, my mind just couldn't concencrate on whatever things I do. I was in a dazed state, wondering how could ever such things be happening to me.

I sat down at the living-room staring at the space blankly.

" Taking a break from study ? " Dad came out from his room asking.

" Huh ? ooo ~ yea .. " I replied back snapping out from my thoughts.

" So hows school getting on ? stress ? "

" Not too bad .. still manageable .. gathering my last burst of energy towards O lvls "

Dad nods.

" Don't stress yourself too much, I know you are up to the task, just face it with a calm heart .. & do your best "

" yea .. Pa no worries .. " I smiled back.

Before dad went back into his room, I suddenly voiced at him,

" Pa .. you got time for some chit-chat ? "

" Always for my son ... " Dad smiled at me.

" So what you wanna talk about ? having some problems ? " Dad started off.

I slowly explained the whole story between me & Joanne to him.

" Hmmm .. so my son has grown up, getting into a relationship problem ar .. haa "

" Come on .. gimme a break .. its not even a relationship in the first place .. its like so absurd. I've known Joanne for so long. All long it was maintained as a good friendship between both of us, studying together, sharing to each other & now because of some misunderstanding, all things got to change. I really hope to just maintain a platonic relationship with her .. you know "

At that moment of time, I recalled back my relationship with Juliet back then. I just don' want history to repeat itself again, hurting the other party, & ending up losing a good friend.

" Reagan .. a good friendship between a guy & girl is more complex than you can think of. Its not that kinda buddy relationship with your guy friend. Every little actions will be taken into count, because girls are more sensitive to feelings, actions done by you. Sometimes they may even be confused upon the fact whether are you interested in her & stuff, & this can lead to many unneccessary misunderstandings. But well since you're clear about it, then its only fair for her to know about it too, considering you both are good friends isn't it .. "

I nod in agreement.

" Find a time to have a good talk with her, but be tactful about it, its not in our family tradition for a guy to hurt a girl's feelings okays .. "

Dad patting on my shoulder.

Dad's words somehow calm my mind a bit, & it was only right for Joanne to know the truth too. Though I know it mights hurts abit, but it was neccessary to avoid further & deeper hurts in future.

[ to be cont .. ]

Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind

william shakespeare