爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 6 ]

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

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"HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY .. Miss Tan"

All of us went foward to give her a hug.

"awww .. its been 4 years & you guys never fail to visit me each year .. gosh all grown up teenagers now le"

"taa-haa .. how can we forget our most popular form teacher during our primary school ar .. " I said

"hee .. as usual always a sweet talker .. Reagan .. no wonder the class selcted you as monitor back then ... so how's your preparation for o levels coming along ?"

"no sweat .. " I winked

"come on miss tan .. you expect a Raffles Insitutition student to sweat over o levels .. you must be kidding ... " the rest snorted

"well .. its good to be confident .. but don't get too complacent .. but well i'm not that worried for reagan, afterall he topped the nation in PSLE .. "

"taa-haa .. not exactly miss tan ... to be exact, someone has the same score as me so i can't be considered as number 1 .. hurhur " I said

"top student acting humble again ... " the rest jokingly said

"yaya .. if i don't be humble .. you all accuse me of being proud again .. tsk tsk blah" I replied

"Knock it off .. you guys .. still so rowdy as ever ... top student or not .. doesn't really matters, most important is that you all live fruitfully, doing your best in whatever you do " Miss Tan said

"Yes .. Miss Tan !" All of us replied in a organised manner ..

"you guys .. hee " Miss Tan embarrasingly said

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I walked around the school compund, searching for memories back then. It has been 4 years, each year i come, new changes have been made to the school, but bits & pieces of memories still exist around our school compund. The field that my classmates & I used to run around during reccess, the hop skotch drawn by us, the once familiar canteen that we rushed to during break, the assembly hall that we mustered every morning, the school emblem & of course not forgetting the classroom that companied me during my last days of primary education.

I walked slowly towards my classroom back then.

Everything seems so familiar but yet at the same time seems so misplaced, the black board we used to have has been changed to white board, a desktop computer placed at the teacher's desk, the colourful & creative designs of notices board, but some things remains the same. I went to my seat, it was still the same desk i used back then, all the drawings & wordings on the table accumalated over the years, with different batches of students using it, each with their own stories to tell behind every each of this drawing. I was examining each & every one of it, then i saw a carving, " R & J " .

" R & J .. could it be Romeo & Juliet ? " I mumbled to myself

"Juliet .. eh .. " this name suddenly strike me again after 4 years.

Juliet .. a name that has left such an vivid impression upon me, I guess I won't forget her for life, despite the short period of time she was with the class, that part of memory that we both shared really meant alot to me. I still remembered how she introduced herself to the class & came to sit beside me, & then how it all started with the whisperings during lessons, & chance upon the novel "Romeo & Juliet" in the library, & then how she came up with all those questions that i can never answer her.

"weird .. how come i never saw this R & J carving for the past 4 years ? it just appeared at this batch ? " i thought to myself

I examined it closely again. the letter "R" was carved on my table, & the letter "J" was carved on the table next to it. If you never examined close enough, you wouldn't have notice it. It was an exquisite piece of carving work which i doubted it as a work of an primary school student. I feel the carving with my bare hands, hoping to get some clue out of it, but i guess it was an futile attempt afterall, i guess i've read too much into it.

Just when i was about to leave, i clumsily knocked off the table next to mine.

"Ouch !! Damn .. " i shouted

Just when i lifted up the table, i saw a yellowish stained letter well concealed under the table. i managed to take it out effortlessly.

"wow .. it must has been years since somebody claimed this letter" i thought

I know it was wrong of me to intruige into others privacy, but well curiousity still got the better of me, i decided to unreveal the content of it.

"Romeo,

so you finally found it huh ? i was comtemplating whether to hand it to you personally before leaving, but i finally decided to leave it at the hands of fate.

Do not blame me for leaving without a word, there was a lot of unforseen circumstances to bear if i'll to continue to stay on.

This is the harshness of reality, which you must learn to accept.

Someday, maybe you'll get to learn the truth behind all this harshness, but i seriously hope that you do not get to learn it. The truth always hurts, & you alone must bear the harshness of it when you get to learn it. At times i'm really envious of your naivety towards things. Through the time we spent together, somehow i really feel i'm a changed person, i learn alot from you, but i guess the truth doesn't allow me to continue on to do so. This whole thing was an irony, maybe i shouldn't have switched school, & meet you. But i do not regret in doing so, because you gave me hope, something which i really needed at this point of time.

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. A miracle that i needed to keep me going, but it was selfish of me to do so. Thus I've decided to leave you for good, hoping to conceal what you should not know & hopefully you continue to live your life to the fullest.

P.S I'll remember you for life

Juliet,"

I shed my tear upon completion. It has been quite some time since i last shed a tear. Ever since the incident with Juliet at the classroom 4 years back, I've not shed a tear.

"the TRUTH !!! what truth " ugh !!! " I shouted at the top of my voice.

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I walked out slowly.

My mind was in a twirl, the truth i should not know, what was it ...

"Reagan ... still around ? " Miss Tan shouted from behind.

I turned behind replying

"Yea .. just went around school seeing the changes that have been made .. "

"sometimes, its not the things that have changed, but its the humans that have changed isn't it .. hee"

"taa-haa .. true " I replied

Miss Tan smiled back.

"well it signifies that perhaps its time for the younger generation to take over my helm, i guess this is my last batch of students."

"HUH ? serious ? "

Miss tan nod back

"It'll be such a pity .. " I responded

"its time to give myself a break after cultivating so many batches of students .. " Miss Tan said

"awww .. how i wish i can be like you .. give myself a break too ... taa-haa " I jokingly said.

"come on .. young man .. you still got a long way to go .. hee "

"taa haa .. yea a long long way to go ... "

"o .. ya guess who i saw just now .. " Miss Tan suddenly changing the subject

" who ? "

"someone from your batch .. in the same class as you ... "

"HUH ? whats so surprising about that ? we visit you every year ... "

"aiyo .. not talking about you guys, this particular person hasn't visit me for the past 4 years, & just appeared in front of me today ... "

"eh .. who so ungrateful .. ? " I jokingly said

In my mind, i was thinking of all the possible names. Every year, I'll presume my role of class monitor, gathering the alumni to go back visit miss Tan. Other than a few that went disappearing in action, almost all turned up each year.

"Joel , Marilyn, Keith or Janice .. " I asked

"NoNo .. " Miss Tan replied

"someone unexpected .. i still remember on the first day how you & her flirt in class ? "

"HUH ? flirt ? gosh .. I'm too young for that .. "

But at that moment, I should have guess out who Miss tan was refering to.

"hehe .. come on .. the Romeo & Juliet in class .. isn't it .. " Miss tan jokingly said.

It was Juliet.

"Sh .. e came tooooo visit you ? I stuttered

"uh-uh ~ i was surprised too .. initially i thought you managed to contact her after all this missing years .. but it doesn't seem the case after i chat with her "

"Miss Tan .. she just left not long ago ? "

"Yup .. should be bah .. "

I ran towards the gate immediately, waving goodbye to Miss tan.

"Miss Tan .. keep in contact again .. yea .. got some urgent things to settle .. see you .. take care "

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Juliet came back. My heart was pumping excitedly. Now my mind was in a confused state.

"what if i really saw her .. what should i say to her ? "

I've got so many questions that i wanted to ask her personally. Yet i was thinking that i'll be dumfounded upon seeing her. I ran arond the neighbourhood around the school to search for her. My eagerness soon turn into disappointment. Juliet was nowhere to be found.

I let out a sigh.

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It was the longest night that I have to to go through, the countless events that has happened today, one after another, leading to a new one every time, I couldn’t seem to catch hold any of them but just allow them to rattle through my mind.

"why am i having such mixed feelings ? "

I began to question myself

"what if ben said back then was true ... my feeling towards Juliet was love ? "

[ to be cont .. ]

Love goes toward love.

William Shakespeare