爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 19 ]

All the love that history knows,

is said to be in every rose.

Yet all the love that could be found in two,

is less than what I feel for you

-------

“ Happy birthday to you ... Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to Roy Tan ! ~ Happy birthday to you !! ”

The song ended with a peck on his cheek.

“ Happy birthday dear! Quick, blow the candles and make a wish”

Josie pestered as Roy tried to finish off 18 candles at one go.

“ Thanks Dear” Roy replied the kiss.

“ So what wish did you make ?”

“ Am I supposed to tell you ? Don't you knows wishes cannot be revealed or else it won't come true le .. "

" Bleah ~ nonsense !! Hmm let me make a guess ... you still wish I’m your girlfriend next year right ? haha ~ "

“ Don’t wanna tell you!” Roy displayed his resilience.

“Ok loh…” Josie grabbed a portion of the cake and smear it on his face.

Roy returned the favor and the cake was pretty much wasted and uneatable after the couple’s tussle..

“ Dear…” Josie called out to Roy.

“ Yeah ? ” Roy responded.

" ta-duh ... look what I've got for you ... "

" eh .. my birthday present ? "

Roy opened up the carefully wrapped present, & found a book inside.

" the tale of the pair of star crossed lovers - Romeo & Juliet "

" wow .. this book looks real classic, must be an antique .. hurhur ... & why this story ? its a love tragedy .. ya know .. "

" well .. tragedy it may seems, but it shows both Romeo & Juliet undying love for one another isn't it .. "

" just like the both of us huh ? so I must die to show that sort of undying love " Roy jokingly replied

" Choy !! touchwood .. I won't want you to die .. okays & i knew your undying love for me le .. " Josie replied in a shy tone.

Roy kissed Josie forehead.

" well .. my turn to give you a gift ... "

Roy carefully carved a heart shape on the back cover of the book, & then the letters R & J inside the heart shape.

" well .. this book shall be our love for one another ... " Roy proudly says upon completion of the artwork he has done.

Josie admired the art work done, & feel touched.

“ Dear .. Why did you like me ? ”

“ Because you have an angelic face with a devilish body that any guys will die to go with?”

There was a grin on Roy’s face.

“ Is that what all guys want ? ” Josie replied with a annoying tone.

“ Nope… but it sure is nice to have ! ”

“ No tell me honestly … ” Josie sounded serious this time.

“Ok… I like you because you looked demure most of the time yet when it comes to enjoying, you are bubbly fun, loving. You are always here for me. You understand me and mature enough to forsake my childishness some times .. I’m really glad to have known you”

Roy replied as he brushed her hair.

“ Is this what you like in women? So if one day another girl with the same attributes as you mention came into your life, will you fall for her ? ”

“ I guess not...”

“ Why? ”

“ Because I have you. You are irreplaceable. ”

“ Dear, I’m glad to have to known you too ”

Their eyes exchange contact followed by a passionate long kiss. The moon was covered by the clouds as much as their innocent youth.

--------------------

" Juliet .. Juliet " Reagan looked at Juliet, calling out her name.

" huh ? " Juliet still shocked over what happened.

They revert back their attention onto the book that have finally opened up. They carefully flipped each page, busking in that ambience & atmosphere the book has magically created. It was like a time travel for the both of them, as they went back into shakespeare era playing the character of Romeo & Juliet. This special bond once shared by both their parents has reawakened & slowly engulf into both of them.

Finally, both of them came to the last page of the book.

It was supposed to be a blank page but there were paragraphs hand written on the page.

Both of them began reading.

“ Josie ,

“The same smile will always be there along with the rosy cheek that blushes each time happiness is felt within you. The eyes of innocent youth will look forever the same..”

Some things haven’t change isn’t it? I wish so much everyday that I could see you once more, not only in dreams but in reality.

I want to feel you so much but I guess it seems impossible now. The days that you’ve gone has come to a hundred and it seems like only yesterday we were having those little strolls along the park behind our house.

Sometimes I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I’m willing to do for you, how much I would rather give half my life to God in exchange for your presence.

But I guess all this ain’t gonna be true once more. You had left me to walk with God in heaven. The little angels send me a dream of you last night. It was about how we first met. Of course, I would not forget about it .. but yesterday was like history relived.

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. Somehow I never thought I was of your standards.

You were like the angel with the most beautiful wings spread open whereas I was only a lowly being who look so inhumanly from young.

That’s why I’ve always treasure your attention so much.

Time… I think is a very strange thing. When you’re with someone you love. It always seems so short… but when you’re missing someone… time always seems so long.

One of the happiest moments in my life would be the day you gave me this book.

Those days of being young are coming back to me once more. You looked great with the red dress with floral design all over.

I never think cosmetics make us a better person, especially you. For you had the rosiest cheeks without the enhancement of artificial product.

Remembering back the date.. when we said walking was a form of romantic expression when money was really the main problem? I remembered how we walked from the whole east coast beach to your house at katong. No one has ever calculated how much we’ve walked over the years.

Perhaps a few hundred kilometers ?

I think you must be lonely being alone in the clouds of heaven sometimes. You always dread about loneliness didn’t you? I could remember the times you often complained about the loneliness you felt being the only child in your family…

Loneliness is something which we all will feel throughout our lives. I do hope the angels above can spread their wings of love upon you. I will be strong, I will be mindful of my actions, my speech and my desire. I will lead life as much as you want me to, I will live for you.

Taking life each day as it comes, nothing will be too big a barrier, nothing will be too small to be left unnoticed. I will wake up each day a happier person because life itself is a gift, a gift from the creator of heavens.

As I looked back to the days we’ve spent, knowing that memories will only be there for me to relive once more.

I thank the lord above for the gift of life, even though sometimes life is miserable when we fall, the strength that we develop to pick ourselves up is something not things that are taught, these are the things that we are supposed to learn. Lastly, I love you, and you know I really do. Please wait for me….

Roy ,”

The tears inside Juliet was released the moment she finished reading. Juliet just couldn’t control himself as she cried in Romeo's arms.

Juliet not only let go of her tears, but somehow she has let go of the phobia that has been cooped up in her all these years after reading what her dad has written to Josie. In her heart, she didn't blame Josie. Since the day, she was born & brought up, she could always see that nonchalant look in her dad eyes, though others see her family as a happy one, she didn't feel any warmth in it, slowly she has understand & accept the fact that her dad never once loved her mum before, the affections displayed in public were fake. She often prayed hard that someday, her dad could be reunited with whoever he seems to be thinking of.

-----------------

“ Juliet , are you ok ? ”

“ Yeah.. I’m fine.. sorry ” Juliet said while wiping her tears.

“ Don’t be… it’s good to let your heart out once in a while .. "

" It’s something within me. I’ve been bearing with it for a long time already.”

“ Then you should let go. Carrying a heavy burden all by yourself is miserable ”

“ Yes .. I’ve finally thought through it. ” Juliet let out a smile on her teary face.

" Roy & Josie ... seems familiar ? Hmmm .... EUREKA !!! They were dad's besties ... meaning Josie was my mum, & Roy was your dad ? " Reagan suddenly gave out a shout.

Juliet seems dumbfounded by Reagan's discovery.

" Huh ? your mum is Josie ?? "

" Yes !!! you were that little girl in yellow raincoat with uncle Roy back then right ? I wanted to ask you all along ... but you left that time ... "

" you're aunt Josie's son ? " Juliet mumbled to herself.

" so my DAD MURDERED someone he love most ? how can it be ? " Juliet thought to herself.

Juliet started to shake her head profusely ..

" Cannot be ... it must be a coincidence !! they just happened to share that same name ... " Juliet uttered.

" There's only one way to find out ..... MY DAD !! " Reagan responded instantaneously.

--------------

I followed Reagan back home with mixed feelings.

" What if all these were just like what Reagan had said ... can I still face him ? "

Despite the fear of knowing the truth, curiousity still pricks me, I was determined to find out what really happened back then. Reagan told me the story he has heard from his father on the way back.

" why they broke off ? because of my mum ? I still remember how she used to boast that she & dad had known each other since JC days, & were always so loving as a couple . " I thought to myself.

All these complications are just creating confusion within myself.

" Dad ~ !! " Reagan shouted as he entered into the house.

I dragged my heavy footsteps into the house.

Dave came out from his room, & was surprised to see Reagan together with Juliet.

" Reagan .. your friend ? "

Reagan nods in response to Dave question.

" hi .. uncle .... I'm Juliet " I stuttered.

" Ah pa ... we are here to find out something from you ... "

" from me ? " Dave gave a confused look.

" You mind taking out those photos you showed me yesterday ? " Reagan asked.

" uh ~ ? " Dave hesistated before going to his drawer to take out the pictures again.

" there you're .. answers to all our doubts ... " Reagan showed me the pictures.

I took a look closely, to see my dad inside the picture.

" That's Roy, my ah pa's bestie ... " Reagan said.

I shivered upon Reagan's reply,

" That's my dad .... "

My whole body leaned back against the couch,

So what Reagan had said was all true ... All along I only know upon the fact that my dad killed Reagan's mum, but never did I know that Reagan's mum was also the one that my dad loved most. It came as a shocking truth to me.

Dave was still confused over what was going on,

" eh .. sorry for interrupting .. so what is going on here... "

" ah pa .. Juliet is uncle Roy's daughter ... "

Dave went silent upon hearing that.

" Its really such a coincidence ... ah pa .. we just found ah ma & uncle Roy's love keepsake today ... & then found out that we are all interlinked somehow .. tee-hee "

Dave's past came back to haunt him. He didn't expected all this to happen, nor did he expect that Roy's daughter will appear in front of him.

" Your mum is Carrie right ? " Dave asked Juliet.

" you know my mum ? " Juliet stuttered.

Dave nods, as he begun to share his guilt ridden past to Reagan & Juliet.

All the love that history knows,

is said to be in every rose.

Yet all the love that could be found in two,

is less than what I feel for you

[ To be cont.. ]

It is the star to every wandering bark,

whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

William Shakespeare