爱の恐惧

Love Phobia

[ Chapter 13 ]

Never say that someone completes you,

we have to feel whole even when we are by ourselves,

for needing a certain someone is not love, but dependency.

Wanting a person to become a part of your life is the best reason for having them.

So rather than search for the someone who will complete you,

wait for the person that will complement your completeness.

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" because my phobia is slowly losing to the power of love ... "

Upon reaching home, I kept thinking,

Love and fear are the only emotions we as human entities are able to express. All the others are just sub-categorical emotions. For example, on love's side there is joy, peacefulness, happiness, forgiveness, and a host of others. On the other hand, fear reflects: hate, depression, guilt, inadequacy, discontentment, prejudice, anger, attack, and so on.

Despite the two somehow contradicts each other in terms of feelings, I've combined them together all this years, the fear of love that has been developed in me since young, the harshness & reality I've seen from my parents made me believe that perhaps true love don't exists. Perhaps at one time I really do believe in the power of love when I met Reagan, but it was simply destroyed by a sudden twist of reality, the faith towards it no longer shines in my heart.

" It has all ended .. & it will ... " I uttered to myself.

Soon after I fell into a deep sleep.

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" Juliet ...... Juliet ...... " I heard a familiar voice calling me.

" dad ? is that you dad ? "

" sweetie ... I'm so sorry for creating this phobia in you ... "

" Huh ? dad .. " I shouted at the top of my voice searching frantically for him ..

" sweetie ... you must understand, Love and fear can not coexist. Where one is, the other can't be also. The one will leave immediately, should the other enter its presence. If you find yourself in a situation where you are experiencing great joy, and are suddenly overtaken by fear, the joy is gone! But it works the other way too: If you are terrorized, frightened, or otherwise threatened in any way, all you need to do is turn to the love within, and the fear disappears.

There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear. Overcome this phobia, your destiny still awaits you .... "

" dad ... dad ~ !!!!!!!! ~

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Months has passed. My O levels is finally over. I've been listless & moody ever since Joanne's incident. First was Juliet, then Joanne .. slowly I began to form a wall around myself, I'm really fearful of hurting someone deep again. Through this period of time, I just indulge myself into endless studying. Ironically, despite the intense study routine, I felt I might not have achieve that expectations everyone has for me. Deep in my heart, I'm just bothered by all that has happened. I've attempted to change my lifestlye, by going for my favourite plays, doing something I liked to do, but somehow it was just a temporary measure to counter that uneasiness in me.

" sighs ... another long day ahead " I thought to myself as I walked around the shopping center aimlessly.

At that instant, a bright lighting blinded my thoughts. I stared towards the source of light.

" One-Stop Love Service Center "

Then I stared inside, there was a notice stating that they are in need of temporary part time workers in there.

" Perhaps I could give myself a try, its not like I really need this job badly, but somehow I just wanted to keep myself occupied, than to render aimlessly thinking of more things. .. hurhur " I thought to myself

I decided to walk in & approach one of the staff.

" Erm .. hi .. you've put a notice stating you need temp workers right ? "

" hohoho .. uh yes ... " the jovial fellow turned around speaking in this weird greek accent.

" I'm Pahim, the owner of this shop .. so you know what my shop sells ? hohoho "

I looked around the shop, the whole setup was more like a cafe, with the quiet & cosy ambience, tables & settings. Then I thought of the signage I saw earlier,

" Hmmm .. a cafe with the theme of love ?"

" Uh .. nono !! hohoho we are not a cafe .. we sell to our customers " LOVE " .. hohoho "

" huh ? LOVE ? "

After further elaboration from Pahim, only then I knew that it was a love fortune telling cafe.

" ar .. since you've come for this job interview, I presume you're a fortune teller yourself too ..so what method you specialises in ? "

" huh ? me .. nono I guess you're mistaken ... I was like thinking perhaps I could help in that cafe part, like pertaining to customers request for drinks, etc ... , not the fortune telling part ... "

" awww .. but usually I require my staff to have some knowledge of fortune telling too even if they are working on the cafe & moreover I'm actually searching for fortune tellers, not the cafe crew .. hmmm "

" erm .. well its not that I've no knowledge on it, I do know some astrology & zodiac stuff as I've read it on books before , but .. arrr never mind .. I guess I'm not suited for this job then ... "

"hold on for a moment .. young fella .. I think given your calibre of looks, you can attract more customers to my shop, so I've decided to hire you a, but I shall put ya at the front desk to showcase you .. hohoho ... how about that ? "

" that would be great ... thanks .. so when can i start job ? "

" any moment .. young fella .. hoho "

" Reagan ... my name ... " I gave a smile ..

" Take a seat .. reagan .. be yourself at this workplace, I don't like my workers to be intense, relax, be yourself, enjoy interacting with my customers .. "

" thanks .. so are you a fortune teller yourself ? " i asked

" hoho ... why ? you wanna seek advise ? hohoho .. I used to be a full fledged fortune teller, but not anymore. After marrying my current wife, I've stopped but i still do attend to customers when I've that urge .. hehe i guess once a fortune teller, always a fortune teller, that urge can't be get rid of .. hoho "

" hahaha ~ perhaps ba .. so you specialises in ? "

" aww ..good question .. an ancient greek method .. called S'Agapo."

" S'Agapo.... what a name .. " I mumbled to myself.

" wanna give it a try ? hohoho .. let it be my first gift to you for joining us .. "

" hmm .. I never believed in this .. but well I guess I shouldn't not satisfy your urge now .. hehe "

" hoho .. young fella .. you sure are cheeky ar .. keke .. hold on a second, let me go get my "thisavros" !!"

" thisavros .. ? "

" aww .. pardon me ..it means treasure in greek language .. hoho " Pahim gave me a smile.

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Pahim came back with a book wrapped up in a cloth & sat down.

" Reagan .. lets get started shall we ? " Pahim spoke in a serious tone.

I nod in agreement.

“Memories are the closest thing to reality that a person can get as he rekindles the lost time. Sometimes things happen so quickly that we can’t react to the consequences, all the remains will only be memories buried deep inside.

Memories are kept inside the heart and not the brain. What your brain remembers are logical lessons that you’ve learned each day, what your heart remembers are the emotional experience that you’ve gathered each day.

Cupid governs one's love experience & memories .. with that he spoke of the truth in your past & present ... & leads you to your future ... "

Pahim spoke sincerely & then flipped open the book he brought along with him earlier on.

"Your journey of seeking love starts the very moment you felt the tingling feeling in your heart. The happiness and sorrows that you felt across every chapter of love.

You fell, You cried and You learned. For love is something that has no beginning and no end.

Your love for her grow stronger each day as you get to know her more. You let her behaved at her most wildly side in front of you. You allow her to do whatever she wants to you. You've change whatever she dislikes, your habits, your behavior, your work attitude and sometimes yourself.

You try to make her happy everyday despite whatever problems that stirred within you.

Is all this love?

You can't speak clearly of yourself at that moment of time ...

You only know that it hurts real bad when you see her cry and your heart is contented when you see her cheerfully smiling at me.

There are only the undying three words that we tell each day. Those three simple words of simple truth and vast meaning.

‘I Love You’

S'Agapo. ..

As your feelings has finally reveal themselves in front of love, your destiny awaits you ... for you shall be the key to conquer the phobia .. It shall starts from the tale of star-crossed lovers to the tale of S'Agapo."

Pahim smiled & closed his book.

" As my feelings has finally reveal themselves in front of love, my destiny awaits me ? "

I mumbled.

[ to be cont .. ]

So they lov'd as love in twain

Had the essence but in one;

Two distinct, divisions none

William Shakespeare